Modern-day psychologists tell us that parents need to affirm each of their children regularly to help them grow up confident and well adjusted. Jewish parents figured this out centuries ago and have even found a way to make it impossible to forget, at least once a week.
Every Friday, as part of the Shabbat celebration, many Jewish families embrace the custom of blessing the children gathered at the evening meal. We do this for my daughter, Amanda, just after the Woman of Valor prayer and before drinking wine from our Kiddush cups. (Other families prefer to do it right after lighting the Shabbat candles.)
My husband and I lay our hands on her head and say this simple, beautiful prayer, which is taken from Numbers 6: 24-26:
May you be like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah. May God bless you and guard you. May God show you favor and be gracious to you. May God show you kindness and grant you peace. For boys, only the opening line is different:
May you be like Ephraim and Menashe.
With this blessing, we pray that our daughter grows up to be like the strong Jewish women named in the verse. We know from many stories in the Torah that Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah were remarkable in every way that matters: They were wise, generous, selfless, righteous and faithful to Judaism.
The wish for Jewish boys is that they grow up to be like Ephraim and Menashe, whose father was Joseph and grandfather was Jacob. It’s commonly believed that these two men were chosen as the ideal because they were the first brothers among our forefathers who lived in harmony, and not as rivals struggling against each other for power. (Remember, Joseph’s brothers sold him as a slave.) And so we wish their legacy of peace, brotherly love and commitment to our faith upon Jewish boys today.
In families with more than one child, the parents might bless the children in succession, from the oldest to the youngest. Even grown children who no longer live at home can receive the Friday blessing – by phone.
After the blessing, it’s typical for one or both of the parents to lean down and whisper a message of love, admiration and encouragement, to let each child know they are a unique and special part of the family. The blessing usually ends with a warm hug and kiss, a confirmation of our love and gratitude for our children.
I believe in the notion that you can’t show a child too much love. Whether you do it daily or weekly, just be sure to do it – a lot. After all, there are some pretty smart people, both ancient and modern, who would back you up.